5 places I would like to visit

I want to visit my living room, on a dark crisp evening in 1998. I want to see my life from across the room. Memory is a sad media for accuracy. I want to stand in the corner on the stained pink carpet, in a room too big for it's furniture, and truly see these people and how they interact, my full participation. I want to listen, and decide if I can hear the exact moment my heart breaks. And the delirium that ensues, that leads me down this tumultuous path.


I want to visit a different living room in 2005. I want to look myself full in the face, with all of it's eagerness and pride, and slap it. Nothing that feels this good can be right. Maybe this night is too late, no matter what happened the heart break was bound to only get worse.


I want to visit a random day in the depths of it. Where no one cared about the violations and morality but just wanted to add to it. Pile up more and more shame, touches, lust. Selfish and prodding and I aloud it, encouraged it, embraced it, reveled in it. Muddling the heart break until it's unrecognizable, forgettable, justifiable.


I want to visit the day I tell you. The day my heart begins to heal...


Oh, and I would like to visit Montana.