Lessons and shit

Summer of last year I was shook. By a friend, someone I trusted and helped. It took me so off guard I began questioning all the things. I went on total lock down. I shut my online shop, all my social media was made private. I stopped offering readings, my page sat neglected and dusty. I felt betrayed, taken advantage of, exposed, devastated. I held space for this person so many times, stood up for them, took their side so many times. And then, in this moment of absolute clarity, when it all went down, I saw myself for a huge fucking banana head.

My thought process was, if I could be this wrong, this oblivious, this fucking dumb, how am I supposed to a help to anyone else?

But, time waits for no ones' thoughts to straighten themselves and the Universe has ideas of it's own. This incident was a catalyst. Which shook me out of my Utopian revery into a very dense reality. Within 2 weeks, all around me, lives were being torn. Trusts being altered. Separations, illness, deceptions. I was offered a new job and I took it. We had to move, which finished off the complete disruption of my life.

It's only now, 2 seasons later, that I am ready to progress past were I was back then. Clearly in a completely different reality than where I was. I've grown a lot in the past 6 months, and learned a lot about myself and how I act, react, fit into this world. I'm Smarter, I hope. Even more cynical, if that's at all possible.

But still fucking here.

I really thought I was so fucking strong, like an unmovable force. Clearly, that is not to case. I'm just as fallible as anyone. Overwhelmable. Brokenheartable.